Lord Lotus Blog - Category : Humor

Coupon suspension -- popcorn for dinner?

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 7 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0400

I'm on the MJR Theatre newsletter mailing list. They're a local theatre chain in Metro Detroit. I'm guessing folks were taking the concept of "dinner & a movie" a bit to far...

What's wrong with this picture?

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 10:37:22 -0400

The following is from the 8.5 Resource Reservations template:

(Clue: we're in the year 2009...)

Flood victims in Ireland

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic ...

REDNECK COLLECTION

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 6 Aug 2008 20:48:24 -0400

From Tim...

Firefighter & the little girl

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 4 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Don't mess with the snake

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 4 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Old Timer Sex .....

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 4 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

JEWISH MARRIAGE RULES......

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 1 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Clever Phone

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 1 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

The Lost Seuss

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 5 May 2008 21:56:38 -0400

I haven't put a lot of humorous stuff on my blog lately. I was trying to force myself to post more "real" content. Well, I got something today that I couldn't resist posting. Click the following link and enjoy!

The Lost Seuss

Hitler: Bloodthirsty Dictator, Die-hard Cowboys Fan

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:50:39 -0400

click here

Birds -n- Bees

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Asprin

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Morning sex

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 6 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

A true Italian

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 6 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Why there are no Italian Muslims...

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 5 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Customer Appreciation Letter

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

strip poker

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:57:24 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Beware - the portable toilets

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:54:45 -0400

From the unknown comic...

outsourcing

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

what a wonderful world

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

get out of my car

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

WRONG Answer !!!!

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

IT Support

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Funny clips

Mike Sobczak — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 09:36:39 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Guinness Book Of World Records

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Where would you be?

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Wonder golf

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Never lie to your mother!

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Baptizing a Drunk

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

poof!

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 8 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

joke

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 8 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Enjoy your coffee

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 8 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Along a similar train of thought...

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 8 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Lawyer Joke

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 7 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

The Kid From MAD Magazine

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 6 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Magic trick??

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 6 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

The Dam Project

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 3 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Where white men went wrong

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 3 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Kindergarten

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 2 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

India history - "the dot"

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 2 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Why sex b4 marriage is essential.............

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 2 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Blonde in Starbucks

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

joke of the day

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 8 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 6 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Mongolian VD

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 29 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

New Illness lol

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 25 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

The best from 2006

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 25 May 2007 19:08:06 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Test of your intellect!

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 22 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Bubba...

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 21 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Worried In Texas

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 21 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Apple

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 18 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Grandfather

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 18 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From Kurt Magag...

Kids in church.....these are great!

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

Chinese proverbs

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Teamsters

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 11 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Good dog

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 9 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

SURGERY HUMOR

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 7 May 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Mensa invitational

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:15:27 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Purina Diet

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:12:40 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Church Compilation

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 15:57:30 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Dog Pack Attacks Alligator

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida

At times nature can be cruel; but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "apex predator", can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tightly knit social structure and "survival of the pack mentality" bred into canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator, preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator.

Not for the squeamish!

Abbott and Costello Computers...

Mike Sobczak — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 20:55:08 -0400

Forwarded by family friend Cindy. Funny, in a G-rated way.

Office "Buzz Words" for 2007

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:51:47 -0400

Forwarded by the unknown comic

Test For Dementia

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Forwarded by the unknown comic...

Camel sex

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Forwarded by the unknown comic...

Welfare Test

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

OSU Band Post Game Show

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

Doing Community Service

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 8 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Great Reagan Quotes

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 8 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Winter Blond

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 8 Jan 2007 10:57:07 -0400

Forwarded by the unknown comic...

When It's OK To Use The "F" Word

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 5 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Ketchup Effect

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0400

From a family friend down in Perth, Austrailia...

When men give the wrong gifts......

Mike Sobczak — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:46:26 -0400

From our humourous friend Down Under...

WrongGiftAgain.wmv

Very Slow Backspin

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0400

From John Wilkerson...

FuzzyZoellerholein1.wmv

My Big Deck

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 3 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0400

More funny stuff from our friend Down Under...

MyBigDeck.wmv

Curious Things

Mike Sobczak — Sun, 5 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0400

From a family friend down in Perth, Austrailia...

Click Read More below to view the MS Powerpoint Slideshow

Alzheimer's Eye Test

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 1 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0400

From Jennifer Mann...

Alzheimer's Eye Test

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE READ MORE BELOW)

Three Thoughts

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...

Democrat vs. Republican

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...

The World In Only 7 Pictures

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 00:00:00 -0400

From a family friend in Perth. Click Read More to see...

Good Quote

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From my cousin, Shawna Sobczak:

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

custody

Mike Sobczak — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 20:45:25 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...

Punk'd by Notes is the top Google search destination for "blonde antelope"!

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 01:05:37 -0400

Just goes to show that even when you're working on a project past 1:00 AM, you can still get a good chuckle out of life.

Check out my post on 9/19/2005...

Spooky Story

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 1 Nov 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From Amal Schmitz...

This is another unbelievable story, you must take a moment to check it out. You never know about the supernatural ...........

READ THE STORY BEFORE WATCHING THE VIDEO!!

This is a little eerie...Strange, but interesting.

This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road....Spooky!I

Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial. �A little creepy but pretty cool!

GhostlyCarAd.wmv

What's wrong with this picture?

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 1 Nov 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From Amal Schmitz...

Try this in your spare time. �I figured it out in under 30 seconds...

http://www.rumdesign.com/wrong/

Subject: Tonto

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From my cousin, Shawna Sobczak

This is hilarious and true…

Subject: Tonto

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the� other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." �The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to� splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns... He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want� coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

(hang on, this is really� good......)

� The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot bull, leave mess for� others to clean up, disappear for rest of� day."

We Need God After All

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...

How to recognize a blonde antelope

Michael Sobczak — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 12:32:49 -0400

More hilarity from the unknown comic:

zuidafrika.wmv

When Cloning Goes Bad

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 8 Sep 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

When cloning goes BAD� (whoever did this, did it really well)...............

Sidewalk Art!!!!

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 8 Sep 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Julian Beever is an English artist whos famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. �His images are drawn to give a 3D image when viewing on the right angle see for yourself its amazing !!!

HOW TO FOLD A SHIRT

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 8 Sep 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

HowtoFoldaShirt.mpg

Men Are Just Happier

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

(my apologies in advance to those of the opposite gender)

$3 Bill

Mike Sobczak — Fri, 8 Jul 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From Jennifer Mann..

Ever heard the saying? Queer as a $3 bill? Well, here it is.

Simple IQ test

Michael Sobczak — Mon, 13 Jun 2005 11:37:25 -0400

From the unknown comic:

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day.

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it VERY CAREFULLY first before clicking on Read More for the answer...

Golf Story

Michael Sobczak — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 13:41:45 -0400

From the unknown comic:

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first tee and a golfer was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loud speaker. "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee, please back up to the men's tee!" All eyes nearby began focusing on the golfer on the ladies tee, however he was deep into his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.�� Again the announcement, "Would the gentlemen on the ladies tee kindly back up to the men's tee."�� Again, he simply ignored the request and kept concentrating, when again, the P.A. blared, "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!" He finally stopped, turned around and looked back at the pro shop window and the person with the microphone, cupped his hands and shouted back:� "WOULD THE IDIOT IN THE PRO SHOP KINDLY SHUT UP, AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!"

What Kind of American English Do You Speak? God only knows...

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 15:02:46 -0400

Now I know why I'm generally so confused:

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Can you find the man??

Michael Sobczak — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic:

This is no joke guys there really is a man in the picture!

According to medical experiments:

If you can find the Man's Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is more developed than normal people.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1 minute, your right brain is developed normally.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1-3 minutes, your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein.

If you can find the Man's head in 3 minutes or more, your right brain is a disaster . . extremely slow in reacting.

AND YES -THERE REALLY IS A MAN IN THERE!

Monday's Test

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 19 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic:

I'm sending you this test today because it is easier if you take it on any day but Monday.

�� Good Luck

�� Click the link below

�� Monday's Test

E-mail from God

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 19 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic:

E-MAIL FROM GOD

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are
misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased.

So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the E-mail said?

No! Of course not but if you're curious about what it said i'll let you read mine.

What Old People do for fun....

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

WHATOLDPEOPLEDOFORFUN.mpg

The Truth - From Bill Gates

Mike Sobczak — Sun, 6 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

To read this item, click Read More below...

BudLight /Super Bowl Commercials

Michael Sobczak — Wed, 9 Feb 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

Budweiser_chienne_blonde.wmv

Bigger

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 3 Feb 2005 15:43:14 -0400

From the unknown comic

Mine's bigger than yours

Panasonic.wmv

Penalty for failure

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 3 Feb 2005 15:41:16 -0400

From the unknown comic

SAFETYMOMENT.WMV

If this doesn't put a smile on your face...

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 3 Feb 2005 15:37:55 -0400

From the unknown comic

On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late.� As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is.� This is the actual voice mail message.� It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server.

voicemail1.wav

Inner Peace

Michael Sobczak — Wed, 2 Feb 2005 00:00:00 -0400

More hilarity from the unknown comic:

I am passing this on because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving town for the holidays.

I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

Short Video Rated G - Be careful

Mike Sobczak — Wed, 2 Feb 2005 00:00:00 -0400

More hilarity from the unknown comic:

balancoir.mpeg

Standing in Judgment

Michael Sobczak — Mon, 31 Jan 2005 13:10:11 -0400

More scatalogical humor from the unknown comic...

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"

"Oh those . . ." Satan groaned. "They're all from Michigan . They're� still too cold and wet to burn."

Great balloons

Michael Sobczak — Thu, 27 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic:

Step 1. Tie balloons to car.

�Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell��....

�Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!

"Half-Apped"

Michael Sobczak — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0400

How you describe an application that works, but that nobody can actually use for some reason or another.

This novel description came up in a customer meeting I attended.

Darwin Award Nominees

Michael Sobczak — Sat, 1 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped around the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion BankTower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A JayCounty man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,"

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened, "said Snyder.Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck??? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventureas normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

supposedly an actual question ...

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0400

More from the unknown comic. Click the link below to read what sounds like something written by a professional writer. Its still funny anyway. And for anyone out there with finer sensibilities, I apologize in advance.

Compare your job to these...

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0400

More fun pics from the unknown comic. Click read more below to see...

John Kerry admits the truth

Mike Sobczak — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic...

A great picture below...

A good site for those whose Notes projects are in turn-around...

Michael Sobczak — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 10:27:02 -0400

Another handy URL referred by the unknown comic:

http://www.viceking.net/bubblewrap.swf

I want one of those

Mike Sobczak — Tue, 7 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0400

From the unknown comic

eurcncs185030.mpeg

Would you use it?

Michael Sobczak — Tue, 23 Nov 2004 00:00:00 -0400

More handy info from the unknown comic...

Here's a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there, but when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box. Would you use it?�� One picture is the view from the outside looking in; the other is the view from inside looking out. Click read more to see for yourself...