I'm on the MJR Theatre newsletter mailing list.  They're a local theatre chain in Metro Detroit.  I'm guessing folks were taking the concept of "dinner & a movie" a bit to far...




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The following is from the 8.5 Resource Reservations template:

(Clue: we're in the year 2009...)

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From the unknown comic ...




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From Tim...


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I haven't put a lot of humorous stuff on my blog lately. I was trying to force myself to post more "real" content. Well, I got something today that I couldn't resist posting. Click the following link and enjoy!

The Lost Seuss

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From Kurt Magag...


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Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida

At times nature can be cruel; but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "apex predator", can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tightly knit social structure and "survival of the pack mentality" bred into canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator, preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator.





Not for the squeamish!


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Forwarded by family friend Cindy. Funny, in a G-rated way.


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From a family friend down in Perth, Austrailia...


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From our humourous friend Down Under...

WrongGiftAgain.wmv

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From John Wilkerson...

FuzzyZoellerholein1.wmv

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More funny stuff from our friend Down Under...

MyBigDeck.wmv

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From a family friend down in Perth, Austrailia...

Click Read More below to view the MS Powerpoint Slideshow


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From Jennifer Mann...

Alzheimer's Eye Test


Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE READ MORE BELOW)


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More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...




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More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...




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From a family friend in Perth. Click Read More to see...



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From my cousin, Shawna Sobczak:

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

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More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...




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Just goes to show that even when you're working on a project past 1:00 AM, you can still get a good chuckle out of life.

Check out my post on 9/19/2005...

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From Amal Schmitz...

This is another unbelievable story, you must take a moment to check it out. You never know about the supernatural ...........

READ THE STORY BEFORE WATCHING THE VIDEO!!

This is a little eerie...Strange, but interesting.

This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road....Spooky!I

Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial.  A little creepy but pretty cool!

GhostlyCarAd.wmv

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From Amal Schmitz...

Try this in your spare time.  I figured it out in under 30 seconds...

http://www.rumdesign.com/wrong/

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From my cousin, Shawna Sobczak

This is hilarious and true…

Subject: Tonto

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the  other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."  The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to  splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns... He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want  coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

(hang on, this is really  good......)

  The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot bull, leave mess for  others to clean up, disappear for rest of  day."

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More from the unknown comic:

To read this joke, click Read More below...




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More hilarity from the unknown comic:

zuidafrika.wmv

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From the unknown comic...

When cloning goes BAD  (whoever did this, did it really well)...............


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Julian Beever is an English artist whos famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium.  His images are drawn to give a 3D image when viewing on the right angle see for yourself its amazing !!!


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From the unknown comic

HowtoFoldaShirt.mpg

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(my apologies in advance to those of the opposite gender)


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From Jennifer Mann..

Ever heard the saying? Queer as a $3 bill? Well, here it is.


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From the unknown comic:

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day.

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it VERY CAREFULLY first before clicking on Read More for the answer...




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From the unknown comic:

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first tee and a golfer was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loud speaker. "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee, please back up to the men's tee!" All eyes nearby began focusing on the golfer on the ladies tee, however he was deep into his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.   Again the announcement, "Would the gentlemen on the ladies tee kindly back up to the men's tee."   Again, he simply ignored the request and kept concentrating, when again, the P.A. blared, "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!" He finally stopped, turned around and looked back at the pro shop window and the person with the microphone, cupped his hands and shouted back:  "WOULD THE IDIOT IN THE PRO SHOP KINDLY SHUT UP, AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!"

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Now I know why I'm generally so confused:

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

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From the unknown comic:

This is no joke guys there really is a man in the picture!

According to medical experiments:

If you can find the Man's Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is more developed than normal people.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1 minute, your right brain is developed normally.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1-3 minutes, your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein.

If you can find the Man's head in 3 minutes or more, your right brain is a disaster . . extremely slow in reacting.

AND YES -THERE REALLY IS A MAN IN THERE!


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From the unknown comic:

I'm sending you this test today because it is easier if you take it on any day but Monday.

   Good Luck

   Click the link below

    Monday's Test


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From the unknown comic:

E-MAIL FROM GOD
 
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
 
So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
 
When he returned,  he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth;  95% are
misbehaving and  only 5% are not.
 
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
 
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true The Earth is in decline;  95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
 
God was not pleased.
 
So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.
 
Do you know what the E-mail said?
 

 No! Of course not but if you're curious about what it said i'll let you read mine.

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From the unknown comic

WHATOLDPEOPLEDOFORFUN.mpg

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More from the unknown comic:

To read this item, click Read More below...




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Budweiser_chienne_blonde.wmv

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Mine's bigger than yours

Panasonic.wmv

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SAFETYMOMENT.WMV

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On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late.  As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is.  This is the actual voice mail message.  It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server.

voicemail1.wav

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More hilarity from the unknown comic:

I am passing this on because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving town for the holidays.

I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

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More hilarity from the unknown comic:

balancoir.mpeg

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More scatalogical humor from the unknown comic...

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"

"Oh those . . ." Satan groaned. "They're all from Michigan . They're  still too cold and wet to burn."

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More from the unknown comic:

Step 1. Tie balloons to car.

 Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell  ....

 Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!



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How you describe an application that works, but that nobody can actually use for some reason or another.

This novel description came up in a customer meeting I attended.

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From the unknown comic...

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped around the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion BankTower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A JayCounty man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,"

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened, "said Snyder.Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck??? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventureas normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

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More from the unknown comic.  Click the link below to read what sounds like something written by a professional writer.  Its still funny anyway.  And for anyone out there with finer sensibilities, I apologize in advance.


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More fun pics from the unknown comic. Click read more below to see...


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From the unknown comic...

A great picture below...


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Another handy URL referred by the unknown comic:

http://www.viceking.net/bubblewrap.swf

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From the unknown comic

eurcncs185030.mpeg

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More handy info from the unknown comic...

Here's a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there, but when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box. Would you use it?   One picture is the view from the outside looking in; the other is the view from inside looking out. Click read more to see for yourself...


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